Ed Elric, Twipire killer
by Too.Obvious
Summary: Poor Ed is damned to becoming a Twipire. On the bright side, he uses his wits to gain valuable intel... Twilight bashing. Be warned. T for cursing and all that chiz. Title's basically a spoiler, but do I care? Naaaah.


Just a FYI:

I hate Twilight. (Read "books" 1-3. Regretted it BIIIIG TIIIME.)

I love Full Metal Alchemist.

There.

Pretend that Edward E. never got the papers and never uncoded them. 'Kay? Kay.

DISCLAIMER: Once upon a time, there was a girl who named herself after a character in a epic book series. (Me, el Max.). She was very, very grateful that she didn't own Twilight and hoped that one day, Stephanie Meyers would admit that Twilight was a troll. However, she was very, very sad that she didn't own Full Metal Alchemist. Then the world realized that she had extreme black-and-white thinking. The end.

And I will TRY to make the Twilight characters bearable. Therefore, OOCness ahead.

Edward gasped in pain, holding his stomach. Torrents of blood were spilling out of uncountable wounds-and his left lung was one of them. It was a bad idea to come to America, looking for the Philosopher's Stone. Now his blood stained the grass.

Lust sighed. "Oh well. It could have gone better for you and your brother if you'd cooperate. Oh well. Greed, Sloth, Envy-let's go."

Each one nodded and turned their backs on the dying boy. Only Envy showed a flicker of emotion, but it passed quickly, his face turning to stone.

It's a good thing that Al isn't here, Edward thought before slipping away.

Edward woke up in a pure white space. _Damn_. In front of him, there was a figure with his arm, his leg. He knew that equivalent exchange was life, but he couldn't help but feel a pang of hatred.

"So I'm dead?"

True Knowledge/Universe/World smiled. "Nearly." The Gate opened, with its black hands and strange hypnotic eye. "Are you ready to see 'True Knowledge'?"

Edward gritted his teeth. The thing that he used to covet most was now within his reach… But he wouldn't be able to use it. _Damn_, he thought again. But just before the first finger touched Ed, World cocked his head, as if listening to something.

"Ah. Change of mind, you're not dead."

Wha-

Edward was sucked out of the Gateway, and into pure white-hot fiery pain.

SEVERAL MINUTES/SECONDS BEFORE-

Edward Cullen bit his lip and looked at the boy bleeding to death.

_Should I?_

_Shouldn't I?_

_Ah, screw it_. _He's gonna be in this world, like it or not._ Carlisle was rubbing off on him.

Slowly, cautiously, he rose the boy's hand to his mouth-and bit it.

In shock, he dropped the hand and backed away. His teeth couldn't pass through the glove-or the skin. Obviously, he was curious, so he probed the kid's mind, but-

Strange white walls appeared in Edward's mind instead of thoughts. Huh. But there was no time for that now.

Taking the other hand, he bit down again. This time, the walls disappeared, but were replaced with __! And the thing was-the boy's blood tasted good. Not _Bella_ good, but good. Probably when the person he was supposed to be with came along (And she was a vampire), the kid's blood would smell the same way it did with Bella for him.

Edward ran with the boy on his shoulders. This needed to be looked into.

RETURN TO EDWARD ELRIC:

As Edward was understandably not feeling very "purple prose"-ish at this moment, his thoughts were basically made up of "__"

FORKS-

Bella settled down at her desk, planning to crack down on her homework instead of thinking of Edward. She failed. Epically.

So, yeah. She knew that Edward was hunting, and she wanted to watch, but _noooooo_, she was _much_ too _fragile _and… Human.

And then she gets a call from him that he found a kid bleeding to death in the woods while hunting and turned him into a vampire and could she come over they need to talk about something?

Typical.

After a while, the relentless screaming (and swearing) gradually turned to a throbbing pain. It wasn't hot-burning-plasma anymore, or the pain of having his leg and arm removed-or automail put in, or coughing up blood. Well, still coughing up blood level of pain, but lower on the scale that Edward had received actually, it hurt a heck of a lot more than getting automail. Maybe equal to that time when he was trying to bring his mother back…

Was it possible to cry when something like this was happening?

Bella and Edward watched the boy writhe and twist while he was undergoing the process of turning into a vampire.

"His blood," Edward mused, "tasted sweet."

Bella turned, eyes questioning.

"The way you smell to other vampires."

Ah.

"And when I picked up his right hand, I couldn't bite through it. Aaaaaand shall I mention I couldn't read his mind?"

Bella thought a bit. "So… He could be like me, then?"

Edward shrugged. "Maybe. Can't be sure."

"Well, what are we supposed to do now?" Bella asked.

"Can't really do anything except wait" was the reply.

A/N: Yeah, this chapter's crappy. And short.

Has anyone heard of "Midnight Sun" and what the basic plot is? Damn, the same crap AGAIN.

I'm attempting not to bash Twilight anywhere except in the A/Ns. I might slip up and put in how much I despise Twilight in the story itself. If I do, tell me and I'll remove it… Maybe. Review, review, REVIEW PEOPLE!


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